BREAKING NEWS: Hotdogs to be made R18 in response to recent reports of high cancer risk from processed meat

First they took the cigarettes, and I didn't care, because smokers smell like arse, and I don't like them.
Then they took the sun, and I didn't care, because I'm pasty anyway.
Then they came for my bacon...

bollocks that for a joke.

I'm sure that by now, everyone is aware of the recent study by the World Cancer Research Fund showing a major link between diet and cancer. In fact, you can download the entire 500 page document, if you want. And apparently processed and red meats are the big risk factors.

Well, that's a hell of a downer, seeing the cultural love for burgers, hot dogs, bacon and the like.

Does this mean we'll start seeing age restrictions on the purchase of red meat? You'll need show ID before being allowed to purchase a pie?

As facetious as I'm being, it raises the issue of protecting people from themselves. We feel the need to stop people smoking and drinking before they're 18, because of the damage that they're doing to themselves. That said, that's only because the damage is far more severe while they're still developing. Well, it is with alcohol. Is that also true of cigarettes? Do they also have a worse effect on the young? Will there be any evidence of processed foods being in a similar situation? Perhaps instead of getting drunk on your 18th birthday, you'll go to McDonalds, and stuff your face with burgers. Kids will scarf salami behind the bikesheds.

But it's also a quality of life issue. There are few things in this life better than red meat. Rare steak. Lamb stew. Prosciutto. Pastrami. Souvlaki. Am I honestly willing to lose all of these to lower my chances of cancer? Even though I have a really good chance of getting the big C anyway, due to a family history. Will eating less of these foods really change my odds much?

Or should we just eat it all, and enjoy it? Perhaps trusting the doctors of the unknowable future to save us?

I don't know.