The Kiwi Institution of the Tea Room

When traveling across America, the most frequent food stop, at least in terms of zeitgeist, is undoubtedly the Diner. In New Zealand, it's the Tea Room. And where the US has good, but greasy, food served by tough old broads, the Tea Rooms are bastions of the under-whelming and rather disgusting.

You usually end up at one of these places as the only food option in a small town, or else are forced there due to the vagaries of trans-city transport. And they all look the same. The same fluorescent lighting, the same aging chairs, the same particle board counters, and worst of all, the same horrible food.

To start with are the triangle sandwiches, always white bread. Pickle and salami. Ham and cheese. Cheese and onion. Roast beef. They have that nefarious way of sticking to your mouth. You'll also find some attempt at a fancier, more complete sandwich, with more than two ingredients. These are usually over-priced, and always have hard-boiled eggs, onions and the all-staining beetroot included. The pies have been sitting in the warmer too long, and are half-cold, and the pottles of chips are always soggy.

For some reason, the bathrooms are, while tidy, located inconveniently and far too small. They are places without soul, without taste, and without color. And for some reason NZ has embraced them.